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Poems :  Sonorous Tones
Tags: Life  
 
To skim the sky
like swifts,
when you move away
from yourself.

Holding a four-leaf clover,
night drapes the moon,
taking a lion's share of light
on its wings.

Your full lips defeat
the kisses of incense. I
will come again to
learn Ars poetica.

The fake blooms. I will
never see the death
of a rose petal, skipping
the barbs.



Satish Verma

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satishverma
Author satishverma
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Poem
Date 2017/11/9 4:02:02
Views 301
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License Creative Commons License
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Poster Thread
hitalot879
Posted: 2017/11/9 22:32  Updated: 2017/11/9 22:32
Just can't stay away
Joined: 2017/9/16
From: Wolcott, Ct
Posts: 119
 Re: Sonorous Tones
Great poem but some helpful insight :

What works:
I like the moments where there is a rhyme. It gives a presumed end and sums up the lines before. I like how it is structured using terms like moving and bridges, meeting and middle.

What doesn't work:
I find some line breaks both confusing and interesting. Sometimes you can use a line break to change the tempo of the poem, but other times the line break seems awkward. Try talking through the poem and see if the line breaks make sense rhythmically. Other times the line break seems to emphasizes a given word or phrase, but it is not consistent in its usage. If the line break is used at a given point in the paragraph, then it might seem more intentional.

The center of the poem:
The impression I get is of someone who is in the midst of change. They are hesitant on how to proceed and is looking to someone to help them along.

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